Small steps in to the Business world

First of I will start by saying, I have no idea what I am doing. There i said it! YES, that is the reason I have not taken that leap of faith, that I am always encouraging others to do.

I am scared, so I am going to state some of the reasons why I am terrified to take that leap of faith:

– What if I fail

– What if I make a mistake

– What if I make a loss

– What if a client is not satisfied

– What if my product is not liked by my clients

– What if I don’t know my target market

– I know nothing about shipping and delivering

And so on and so forth…

I could go on all night and day, with every little detail that is stopping me from taking that leap of faith for jumping into another project I am passionate about.

Oh! Another excuse I feel we all worry about, what other people will say.

Well, as I was discussing with a good friend, people will always have something to say. Be it positive or negative.

The question is, do those opinions take accountability for your life, your dreams, aspirations, passions and at the end of the end day – your happiness.

Well that was food for thought and something I have been thinking about. But that is why we are here, share my personal thoughts.

Until next time on healing thoughts with Bounty, please remember to be kind to yourself.

Unexpected milestones

There is honestly no right time for those milestones in your life…

Whether or not you are prepared for it, they will happen. Some planned and sume unexpected. Thats kind of the feeling I am getting as I draw closer to the big 30.

Neither are life altering events, they will always hit you like a bag full of bricks and consume you whole.

So in 5 months, I will be 30. Yes, I am not ready nor do I believe it.

My own body feels so foreign to me and I sometimes wonder if I will ever feel my age. Or act my age. (Highly doubt it, but I still wonder if that will ever change)

You will never be ready for something to occur or learn to deal with it.

You know how they say it gets better with time, it doesn’t really. You just re learn to love life with that new mildstone you seem to be approaching at a swift pace.

Yes, I know. I sound melodramatic about turning 30 but in all honesty, I never thought I would live this long.

But here I am, going through a healing journey that I never thought I would do either. But hey, we surprise ourselves with each milestone in life.

So until next time one healing thoughts with Bounty, please remember to be kind to yourself.

Silenced by Guilt

I must’ve read that title a hundred times over just to make sure that is what I meant.

Honestly, still not sure if it is.

There are so many questions I ask myself concerning the guilt I am constantly carrying around but I have no idea where to start looking for answers.

I feel my body telling me that there is something wrong, I am hurting somehow but physically I seem fine.

I read somewhere that your mind shuts out emotional trauma so as to cope but it eventually starts coming out because it is like a wound that needs to heal.

Since our mind suppressed it for so long, you can’t remember what caused you that pain.

Now, I’m not an expert concerning emotional trauma and the side effects of it but I am sure a quick Google search could get you in contact with one.

If by any chance you feel you are carrying so much or just feel emotionally exhausted for a long period of time, you might want to contact a professional to help you deal with it.

Like an unattended wound on your body that could get worse if not treated. Our mental health should be dealt with the same severity.

It might be the guilt that comes with that emotional trauma that could be forcing us to be silent because of shame.

So until next time on healing thoughts with Bounty, please remember to be kind to yourself.

My Thoughtless Days

There are days where I am so demotivated to even think, those are the days I fear.

Please don’t get the wrong impression with what I am about to say, it is just one of those things I always wonder about.

I experience days when I feel I can’t think, it worries me in the sense that, what would’ve happened if I wasn’t aware of the fact my mind is constantly blank and my emotions are numb.

Was it on these the days where I felt maybe alil self inflicted pain would take me out of that state of mind.

And the answer was probably yes, because those days were the ones I could not understand why I felt the way that I did.

I felt guilty for feeling numb and resentful towards myself because the thing is, I had no valid reason to feel that way, there were so many things I should’ve felt grateful for.

So when I am put in that state of mind that reminds me of those emotions, I always wonder if I am truly in the clear.

Of course the answer to that is no because this is a constant battle that I seem to be fighting everyday.

Eventhough, I still have my thoughtless days filled with numbness, I am aware of whats going on and use the methods that my therapist and psychiatrist suggested.

So until next time on healing thoughts with Bounty, please remember to be kind to yourself.

Celebrating the small wins

I have always said, “its the small things that matter.”

I have tried to live by that, for as long as I remember.

“Celebrating the small wins is a great way to build confidence and start feeling better about yourself.”

– Abhishek Ratna

Now the thing is, I lacked the confidence to apply that saying to my dreams.

Like my blog, my poetry and my mental health. I decided to take a step forward with my dreams. I am not saying I have it figured out and since taking this step I have run into so many obstacles along the way.

I surprised myself by pushing passed those obstacles and kept blindly following my dreams.

Besides my bachelor degree in International tourism (another small win, because right now I am in my final semester), I took it one step further and invested in myself.

I paid for a course – profesional tour agent as an entrepreneur in Russian. If you have read my introduction blog, you would know I am studying in russian but it is still a challenge for me.

QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL TOUR AGENT

So to go ahead with a part time course in russian again, was one of the biggest obstacles I overcame in 2020.

When it was time to write the exam, I was burnt-out, emotionally drained and barely holding on. I was ready give up and throw in the towel with everything because I took on too much and felt I couldn’t do it. But after receiving encouragement from my loved ones, I pushed a little further.

The day I passed that exam, I cried myself to sleep because it was a small win that I didn’t believe I could do. Also my mental health took a wrong turn and I was in a bad place.

Hence the reason it took me this long to look back and really appreciate myself and the support of loved ones for pushing through. 🥂 So here is to a small win – a qualified professional tour agent.

Also, to my dreams – may they reach for the moon and land among the stars. 🌟

Until next on Healing thoughts with Bounty, please remember to be kind to yourself.

Perseverance

Waking up beyond tired and feel like your whole body is screaming at you to stay in bed, It is one of the hardest feelings to fight.

My therapist asked if I see myself as a strong person, I still don’t see but I have come to understand that I will do what I need to do despite how I feel because that’s what I aways did.

The reason why it is difficult to see the strong person she refers to is because, this strength is what I found necessary to survive.

Life has felt like a continuous run of the survival show that I don’t know if I can feel anything else. What others see as strength, is normal to me.

The normal to others is definitely what I struggle with on the daily.

I have accepted that when faced with a challenge that forces me to be strong, it is an instinct to put on that shield.

The thing is about always being on strong mode is that you don’t know how to be anything else. Feeling vulnerable when required has been limited.

The lesson that I am trying to teach myself is how to still be strong but also feel other emotions.

The hurtful part of this lesson is that I can’t figure out how to do it and being told just to do it, is hurtful.

Therefore, I end up beating up myself about not being able to figure it out.

So this is a lesson I am learning and thought I could share with those that might be experiencing something similar.

Until next time on healing thoughts with Bounty, please remember to be kind to yourself.

Resolution Expectations

New years has never really been the best time of the year for me, the expectation of having fun, being surrounded by people that are excited about yet another day and setting unreachable goals always makes the low moments intense for me.

“We spend January 1 walking
through our lives, room by room,
drawing up a list of work to be done,
cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives…not looking for flaws, but for potential. “

-Ellen Goodman

So with each passing year, the more I yearned to be in solitude, not because of my depression but to start the year with as little expectation as possible. So as not to set myself up for disappointment. I know that sounds crazy and most people think I am bore, which I am so content with because it brings us back to avoiding disappointment.

This year, I was looking forward to that solitude and rest after an overwhelming year.

I also get the feeling, it will be the last year I do get to spend on my own. Let me explain, I have hope for the future (definitely not saying 2021 is my year but I have a feeling things are looking up).

So not only was this new years a moment of solitude for me but a moment of reflection and acceptance to change.

2020 has taught us that nothing ever goes as planned, flights were constantly cancelled and we have no control of what is bound to happen. So we need to be grateful for what we have survived and the lessons we learnt.

These are the lessons we are taking with us into a new year with as little expectation as possible.

The one important lesson for me:- taking it one day at a time and showing appreciation every chance I get.

Until next time on healing thoughts with Bounty, please remember to be kind to yourself.

Juggling with Grace

Whenever I see someone juggling with such grace, I am always in awe, especially when they end with such ease. That’s how I imagine entrepreneurs juggling multiple projects and companies, with grace and ease.

“When you care about something, you try to do it well. When you care about everything, you do nothing well, which then compels you to try even harder. Welcome to being tired.”

-The lazy Genius

Lately I have been obsessing with the hastag #smallbusiness on tiktok, I would watch other people build their own brand, set up an online appearance and begin making profit.

I admire their consistency and their courage to taking that step.

So I tried to do the same, well, not exactly like they do on tiktok. But juggling a couple of projects at once, and man, was it hard. Still is because I am not done.

I have no idea how many times I burned out trying to keep afloat with everything. Let’s just say I didn’t.

I put a few projects on hold, did what I could with the rest and now I am sitting here wondering what I got myself into.

This is nothing like the tiktok videos I saw. I did not juggle any of my projects with ease and definitely did not end with grace. I have some incomplete courses hanging in the air and others that are just sitting on a shelves gathering dust.

But I did complete one, which I am happy about. But with the way I exhausted myself, I haven’t given myself a chance to properly celebrate.

So this is me taking that moment to pat myself on the back for completing an online course I have been working on for about 4 months now.

Remember to celebrate your small wins just as much as you celebrate your big wins. 🍾

Until next time on healing thoughts with Bounty, remember to be kind to yourself. 🫂

Comfort Zone

For the longest time, my comfort zone was not trying. I had this idea of how my life was suppose to end up but for some reason, I didn’t like that idea but was too scared to try to change it.

“The comfort zone is a psychological state in which one feels familiar, safe, at ease, and secure. You never change your life until you step out of your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

-Roy T. Bennett

Statistically speaking, after high school I should’ve gotten knocked up by some guy with a dead end job. We move into a small tiny apartment and raise a kid with a bare minimum wage. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that lifestyle. I knew that I didn’t want my life to go down that road, so I would avoid commitment. In a relationship or even a job.

I always felt there was more out there, I wanted to do more but I didn’t know what it was that I wanted to do or where. I could never stay in one place for too long, even up to now. Staying in one place too long would leave me agitated. So I knew settling down at a young age was not meant for me.

I would do all types of odd jobs and pick up any skill I could on the way. I like being challenged and enjoy working with my hands. I love crafts, always have. I dream to have my own little craft corner where I end up putting my roots next.

I say it like that because this chapter in my life now is coming to a close. Eventhough I have mixed feelings about it, I look forward to what is coming next. I am ready for the excitement and fear it carries.

Oh yes! Comfort zone, I got sidetracked there for a moment. The thing I am so scared of is – uncertainty, but life just has that all the time. It’s like that irritating buzzing you hear but can’t figure out the source, yes, that’s uncertainty for me.

As much as that scares me, I fear more being stuck in a small box of what I think my life should be. So everytime I felt I was stuck in a job, I would leave. If any of my ex bosses are reading this, I appreciate the opportunity, I just needed to be good at something else. I always wanted to learn something new and challenge myself to it.

I never knew how I would do that, I never planned my next step. I just let it happen, with a lot of whining and some tears, but eventually accept that it is happening.

I’m sure we all been there at one point or the other, complain about change but change still happens. Whether we like it or not, it happens.

I kind of feel that way about my comfort zone, it really doesn’t matter if I am ready, it usually kicks me out when my dreams and aspirations get too big for it.

So here I am, at the end of my comfort zone as things are changing, reflecting on the lessons I learnt in my lil comfort zone. But at the same time I am excited but fearful of the next step in my life.

Until next time on healing thoughts with Bounty, please remember to be kind to yourself.

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